Much has been written and discussed about the best ways to handle an ex-spouse’s parents, especially when a child is involved. Special occasions that used to be family events are one of the greatest sources of anxiety for many divorced parents. This is especially true when it’s a recent split, a new baby arrives, or with remarriage and blended families. Here are some fairly common scenarios with suggestions for different ways to handle them. Would you do something differently?
NEW BABY: Do you send your ex in-laws your new baby’s birth announcement card? (your baby is with your new partner)
Depending on the friendliness and frequency of contact you keep with your ex-spouse’s parent(s), you may not need to consider including them on the birth announcement card mailing list. Sharing the good news about your new baby will naturally come to them from your older children well before the baby is born. Plus, your ex and his/her parents are likely to be involved in caring for your mutual children while you are in the hospital anyway. Unless the relationship is cordial and distant, this one is probably a no.
SPECIAL OCCASIONS: Do you invite your ex in-laws to school functions, sporting events and birthday parties?
Yes, most likely. This is one of the best–if not easiest–practices to maintain your child’s relationship with his or her grandparents. Whether your ex spouse is mindful enough to let his/her parents know of such events also depends on how well informed he/she is about them, so you will really have to work hard at being good communicators. To help facilitate this, it’s not a bad idea to get into the habit of sending your ex in-laws birthday party invitations and email reminders about important events in which you want to include them. Just make sure you copy your ex spouse!
THE HOLIDAYS: Do you include your ex in-laws in your holiday celebrations?
This one is tough. It depends entirely on how each of you has traditionally celebrated with your families during the holidays. Let’s face it, it’s hard enough for married couples to balance both families; many choose to take turns alternating holidays and years. When there’s a split, and a remarriage, there are extra sets of in-laws to consider. If you and your ex and parents have strong, set traditions, you’ll have to work together to figure out how your children can participate. If either one of you does not have established traditions, it may be best to take the initiative and include the other in your merging families for the sake of your children.
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