Rehearsal dinner rules vary so much by family, region, community and custom that it’s difficult to declare exact rules of etiquette to follow. An engaged couple’s best guiding principle is to balance the host’s wishes with thoughtful decisions regarding guests.
Who Hosts
The most steadfast “rule” about rehearsal dinners is that typically the groom’s parents host. If a groom’s parents cannot host for any reason, it falls to the groom’s extended family, the groom himself, or the engaged couple. Since it is the bride’s family who traditionally hosts the wedding reception, this intentionally gives the groom’s family the opportunity to play host and thank their side of the guest list for attending.
Who Attends
Both groom and bride should include immediate family members, their wedding party and wedding party’s spouses or partners, and other key family members (grandparents, for example). There is no rule about including friends and extended family members (cousins, aunts, uncles). Consider the need to entertain out-of-town friends and family, but know the decision belongs ultimately the host (presumably the groom’s parents or family). In some regions and communities, it may in fact be etiquette to include out-of-town guest in festivities that precede the wedding, such as a morning brunch, or another less formally planned gathering.
Who Toasts
Since the bride’s father has the opportunity to offer a toast during the wedding reception, it naturally follows for the groom’s father to toast the couple and guests at the rehearsal dinner. In addition, the couple themselves may choose to toast their Maid of Honor, Best Man, and wedding party. Wedding party members may also toast the bride or groom. The rehearsal dinner is a great forum to open up the floor to anyone who feels moved to share wishes on behalf of the soon-to-betrothed couple. It is an especially fitting place for the bride and groom to toast one another!
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